BOOK LINK: Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns

VIDEO TEXT:
Hey friends, it’s Emma from The Sunnyside.

Today I want to talk about something that quietly sabotages more dating experiences than bad profiles or awkward first dates ever could — your thoughts.

Specifically, those sometimes pervasive, negative thoughts that whisper things like:

“Everyone on these apps is terrible.”
“I always get ghosted.”
“I’ll never find love.”

Sound familiar? We all have those thoughts from time to time.

Here’s the thing — those thoughts feel true in the moment, but they’re really just stories our brain tells to protect us from getting hurt again. And when you focus too much on negative thoughts, they can cause a spiral. They’ll start to impact your mood, your motivation levels, your behavior, and can even affect your physical health.

Lucky for us science has figured out ways to help us conquer our negative thoughts with a little tool called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT.

CBT teaches us that it’s not events themselves that cause our emotions — it’s the meaning we attach to them.

So, when someone doesn’t text back, your brain might jump to:

“I’m not interesting enough.”

But that’s a thought, not a fact. Therapists call these negative thoughts cognitive distortions because they are exaggerated or defeatist and are not actually accurate. There are different types of cognitive distortions such as “all or nothing thinking” and “jumping to conclusions” but we’ll go deeper into that another time.

The first step to shifting your dating mindset is simply noticing those thoughts in real time and catching them before they spiral.

Try this:
Next time you feel that wave of discouragement, pause and ask yourself three questions:

1. What was the negative thought?

2. Is it 100% true or is it distorted ?

3. What’s a more balanced way to see this situation?

Example:
Instead of “Everyone ghosts me,” try:

“Some people ghost, but that’s about them, not me. I’m still open to meeting someone emotionally ready.”

You’re not pretending things are perfect — you’re choosing a thought that’s both honest and hopeful.

That’s the magic of CBT — it doesn’t tell you to “just be positive.” It teaches you to be realistic in a way that’s kind.

Because dating is emotional. It brings up old wounds and fears we sometimes didn’t even know we had.
But every time you challenge a negative thought, you’re literally rewiring your brain for confidence and resilience because neuroplasticity — your brain’s ability to form new connections — means that with practice, optimism becomes your new default.

So, next time you catch yourself thinking, “Dating is hopeless,” take a breath.
That thought isn’t the truth and you have the power to rewrite it.

If you’d like to learn more about how CBT can help you conquer negative thoughts and live a better, happier life, I strongly recommend this book – Feeling Good by David Burns. There’s a link to it below this video.

If you want help and accountability in reshaping your mindset or if you need guidance on navigating modern dating from a place of self-awareness, I’d love to support you through private dating coaching so feel free to get in contact.

Because the most powerful dating strategy isn’t a better app or opening line — it’s a better relationship with yourself and your thoughts.