The main thing that inspired me to become a dating coach was seeing so much bad advice out there - advice that encouraged people to follow silly, arbitrary rules and/or play games rather than just communicating in a straightforward way. I get asked all the time "what's the rule about x situation" and I'm very passionate about the fact that there are no universal "rules" - that people need to talk it out and figure out what works for them and their situation. Check out this video about how ignoring the rules and being authentic will increase your chances of meeting the right person and why it's so exciting that we live in a time where we can say "screw what society says we should do" and customize our relationships the way we want.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT: Let’s talk about dating and relationship “rules” for a second. You know what I’m talking about – don’t call for three days after the first date, wait for them to make the first move, don’t sleep with them til x date, don’t talk about wanting a serious relationship or kids or politics or religion, etc.

Well, I’m just gonna say it. F**k the rules. One of the things that makes me happiest about the times we’re living in is that people are realizing these rules are stupid and literally counterproductive to finding a fulfilling relationship. Playing games has probably caused just about everyone to miss out on some really great relationships because miscommunications occurred, mis-reading of intentionally vague signals, whatever.

People are finally realizing that it’s not only ok to communicate your wants and needs and be yourself but actually extremely important in terms of finding the right relationship. There is someone out there for everyone so embrace your specific type of weird.

This exact topic is actually what inspired me to become a dating coach – I was quoted in an article that was seeking advice about how to talk about whether or not you want to have kids with your partner. My answer was “just talk about it right away. Otherwise you’re just wasting each others’ time.” But other suggestions from “experts” in the article were HORRIFYINGLY BAD. One was “show them pictures of your friends’ kids and see how they react.” What?! They might think kids are totally adorable in pictures but that doesn’t give any indication of whether or not they actually want them. And also, you shouldn’t even be “partners” by the time you have that conversation.

Have the important conversations early: what you’re looking for in a relationship, kids, pets, money – different ways of dealing with money is a very big reason people get divorced – politics, religion, and anything else that’s important to you.

Don’t pretend to like things you don’t like. Don’t pretend to be more or less affectionate than you are. Don’t hold back on saying what you want to say – well, ok, there might be limits to that depending on conflict resolution skills. Don’t be toxic or mean.

But the point is, we live in an awesome time when we can literally customize our relationships to exactly how we want them. Look at the rise of ethical nonmonogamy as the perfect example of this. People are realizing that one person might not be able to meet all of their needs, and then they collaborate and negotiate with their partner or partners to figure out what works for them. But even within monogamous dating and relationships, people are ditching the rules and figuring out what works best for THEM. Whether it’s physical, sexual, emotional, and mental boundaries, needs, and desires, just freaking communicate – I swear some day I’m gonna make a communication course called “just f**king talk to each other”.

And guess what? You’re going to be much more likely to meet and build a relationship with the right person if you are your authentic self FROM DAY 1 and you communicate who you are and what you want or need clearly. All the rules and games do is waste time and increase the likelihood that the relationship will later fail since it isn’t built on a solid foundation.

COVER PHOTO CREDIT: Fabian Centeno